How to Forgive Others: What Colossians 3:13 Really Means

Scripture Reading: Colossians 3:13 ESV

How to forgive begins with understanding how completely Christ has forgiven us. Colossians 3:13 teaches Christians to bear with one another, forgive genuine grievances, and make the Lord’s forgiveness the pattern for our own. Biblical forgiveness does not mean pretending sin never happened or calling evil good. It means surrendering personal vengeance and extending grace because we ourselves live by grace. This is why forgiveness belongs so naturally within practical biblical teachings for Christian living: Paul roots the command not in personality or emotion, but in our new life in Christ.

Colossians 3:13 and the Command to Forgive

Paul writes in Colossians 3:13 that believers are to bear with one another and forgive one another when a complaint arises, adding the decisive standard: “as the Lord has forgiven you.”

Those final words govern everything that comes before them.

Paul does not begin with the worthiness of the offender. He directs our attention to the mercy of Christ. The Christian learns how to forgive by first remembering that he or she has been forgiven.

That distinction matters because Christian forgiveness is not primarily a technique for achieving emotional peace. It is a response to the gospel.

Why Paul Wrote Colossians

The apostle Paul wrote Colossians to believers in Colossae, a city in Asia Minor. Although Paul had not personally founded the church there, he had heard of their faith in Christ and their love for God’s people through Epaphras, a faithful minister associated with the congregation.

Throughout the letter, Paul emphasizes the supremacy and sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Christ is not one spiritual influence among many. He is Lord over creation, head of the church, and the One in whom believers have redemption and forgiveness.

That theological foundation is essential for understanding chapter 3.

Paul does not simply tell Christians to become nicer people. He begins the chapter by reminding them that they have been raised with Christ. Their old life no longer defines them. Because they belong to Christ, they are to put away the practices associated with their former life and “put on” the character appropriate to God’s chosen and beloved people.

Compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and love belong together.

Forgiveness is therefore part of sanctification, the gracious work by which God increasingly conforms His people to the likeness of Christ.

The wider library of daily devotionals helps us see this recurring biblical pattern: God’s commands for Christian living flow from what He has already done for His people.

What Does “Bear With One Another” Mean?

Before Paul commands Christians to forgive, he tells them to bear with one another.

The Greek verb anechomai carries the sense of enduring, bearing with, or patiently putting up with someone. Paul assumes something modern relationships sometimes struggle to accept: life among other Christians will require patience.

The church is made of redeemed sinners who are being sanctified but have not yet been glorified. Christians will misunderstand one another. Personalities will clash. Words may be poorly chosen. Preferences will differ. Weaknesses will become visible.

Not every irritation is an offense that requires confrontation.

Sometimes love simply bears with another believer.

This does not mean ignoring serious sin. Scripture gives Christians responsibilities concerning repentance, correction, confession, church discipline, and reconciliation. But Colossians 3:13 leaves no room for demanding that everyone around us conform to our personal preferences before we will love them.

Grace makes room for patience.

What Does “Forgive One Another” Mean?

Paul then moves from ordinary forbearance to actual grievance: if one believer has a complaint against another, forgiveness is required.

The Greek verb translated “forgive,” charizomai, is related to charis, the word commonly associated with grace. The idea is significant. Forgiveness involves graciously releasing a debt rather than demanding personal repayment.

Sin creates real moral guilt. When someone sins against us, therefore, Christian forgiveness does not require us to pretend nothing happened.

It requires something more costly.

We surrender the right to nurture vengeance, cultivate hatred, or continually demand personal repayment for the offense.

This is one reason biblical forgiveness cannot be reduced to a feeling. Feelings often take time to follow obedience, particularly when wounds are deep. Scripture does not command us to manufacture an emotion. It commands us to respond to the mercy we have received from God.

“As the Lord Has Forgiven You”

Here Paul reaches the foundation of Christian forgiveness.

“As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

The standard is staggering because Paul directs the believer toward Christ.

We were not forgiven because our sins were insignificant. We were forgiven because Christ dealt with their guilt.

At the cross, God’s holiness and mercy do not compete. God does not overlook sin in order to forgive sinners. Christ bears the judgment deserved by His people, satisfying divine justice and securing their pardon.

That prevents us from turning forgiveness into sentimental tolerance.

Sin matters.

Justice matters.

Truth matters.

And grace is costly.

When Christians forgive, we are not declaring the offense righteous. We are confessing that vengeance belongs to God and that our own lives depend entirely upon undeserved mercy.

The forgiven become forgiving people not to earn salvation, but because salvation has changed them.

Forgiveness Does Not Mean Sin Does Not Matter

This distinction becomes especially important when the offense is serious.

Colossians 3:13 should never be used to pressure someone into pretending that abuse, betrayal, manipulation, violence, or persistent unrepentant sin is harmless. Forgiveness does not require calling darkness light.

Nor does forgiveness automatically remove every earthly consequence of sin.

A person can forgive and still establish wise boundaries. Criminal conduct may still need to be reported to lawful authorities. Church discipline may still be necessary. Trust that has been shattered may need to be rebuilt over time.

Forgiveness concerns our response to the offender before God. Trust concerns whether someone has demonstrated faithfulness. Reconciliation concerns the restoration of a relationship.

Those ideas overlap, but they are not identical.

This distinction also helps us understand why Jesus’ teaching about the need to reconcile before worship takes damaged relationships seriously. Christians should desire peace and pursue reconciliation where biblically possible, while recognizing that restored fellowship ordinarily requires truth, repentance, and the participation of both people.

Forgiveness and Confession Belong Together

Scripture never places the entire responsibility for damaged relationships upon the person who was wronged.

The offender also has responsibilities before God.

James tells believers to confess their sins to one another and pray for one another. Biblical community therefore requires both the willingness to forgive and the humility to confess.

Understanding confessing sins to others protects Christian forgiveness from becoming one-sided sentimentality. The gospel produces people who can say both, “I forgive you,” and, when necessary, “I sinned against you. Please forgive me.”

Pride resists both sentences.

Grace teaches us to speak them.

How Does Forgiveness Point Us to Christ?

Every Christian act of forgiveness finds its source in a greater forgiveness.

We were enemies of God by nature, guilty of sin and unable to erase our own debt. Yet God did not leave His people under condemnation. In Christ, He accomplished the redemption we could never accomplish for ourselves.

That is why Paul does not say, “Forgive because you are naturally compassionate.”

He points to the Lord.

Christ is both the foundation and pattern of our forgiveness.

This protects us from two errors. First, we cannot boast about being gracious, because whatever grace we extend has already been shown to us in infinitely greater measure. Second, we cannot insist that another person’s sin makes forgiveness categorically impossible while simultaneously rejoicing that Christ has pardoned our own sin.

We forgive from beneath the cross, never from above another sinner.

How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You

Knowing the theology of forgiveness does not make obedience painless. Some offenses leave consequences that remain long after the original event.

So how do Christians actually begin?

First, name the wrong truthfully before God. Forgiveness does not require minimizing what happened. Bring the offense into the light of Scripture and prayer.

Second, remember your own standing before Christ. This does not mean comparing sins as though another person’s wrongdoing were insignificant. It means remembering that you approach God as a recipient of mercy.

Third, surrender personal vengeance. Romans 12 teaches believers not to avenge themselves but to entrust justice to God. Forgiveness releases the demand that we personally make the offender pay.

Fourth, pray for grace to obey even when your emotions lag behind. Deep wounds may return to mind repeatedly. You may need to reaffirm before God what forgiveness requires rather than assuming one emotional moment will erase every painful memory.

Finally, pursue reconciliation when it is righteous and possible. Forgiveness inclines the Christian toward peace, but wisdom recognizes that reconciliation may involve confession, repentance, restored trust, and changed behavior.

This is Christian obedience made visible. Faith without works is not living faith, and forgiveness is one of the places where the transforming fruit of genuine faith can become painfully concrete.

Forgiveness Is a Work of Grace

There is a danger in discussing practical steps: we can begin to imagine that forgiveness is a technique mastered through sufficient discipline.

Paul gives us something better.

Colossians 3 begins with union with Christ. The believer has been raised with Christ and now belongs to Him. Christian obedience grows from this new identity.

We do not forgive in order to make ourselves acceptable to God.

We forgive because in Christ we have already received mercy.

The Holy Spirit then works through God’s Word to reshape our desires, expose bitterness, produce repentance, and enable obedience. Sanctification may involve struggle, but the believer does not struggle alone or in order to earn God’s favor.

Grace is not merely the example behind forgiveness.

Grace is its source.

What Forgiveness Produces in the Church

Paul’s command is addressed to a community, not merely isolated individuals.

A church cannot maintain meaningful fellowship for long if its members keep permanent records of every irritation and offense. Wherever sinners live closely together, forgiveness will be necessary.

Paul soon tells the Colossians to put on love, which binds Christian virtues together in harmony, and to allow the peace of Christ to rule in their hearts.

The sequence matters.

Peace is not maintained by pretending disagreements never occur. Christian peace grows where people who have received mercy learn to show mercy.

A forgiving church therefore becomes a visible testimony to the gospel. It demonstrates that relationships do not have to be governed by pride, retaliation, scorekeeping, or self-protection.

Christ has created a people who can tell the truth about sin while still extending grace.

Journal Reflection: Where Is Forgiveness Needed?

Bring Colossians 3:13 before the Lord slowly.

Consider writing through these questions in your prayer journal:

Observe: What does Paul specifically command believers to do?

Interpret: Why does Paul make Christ’s forgiveness the standard for ours?

Examine: Is there someone whose offense you repeatedly rehearse because you still want that person to pay?

Discern: Are you confusing forgiveness with restored trust, avoidance of justice, or immediate reconciliation?

Apply: What would obedience to Colossians 3:13 require from you today?

Do not rush toward an emotionally satisfying answer. Bring the actual wound before God. Ask Him to expose bitterness where bitterness exists, pride where pride exists, and fear where fear exists.

Then remember the mercy you have received in Christ.

A Prayer for Grace to Forgive

Father, You are holy and righteous, and You have shown me mercy I could never deserve. Thank You that my forgiveness rests in the finished work of Christ rather than my own worthiness.

Teach me to bear patiently with others. Where I have been genuinely sinned against, guard me from bitterness, hatred, and revenge. Give me wisdom to distinguish forgiveness from trust and reconciliation, and give me courage to pursue peace according to Your Word.

Where I have sinned against others, humble me to confess it without excuse.

Fix my eyes upon Christ. By Your Spirit, make the grace I have received increasingly visible in the grace I extend. May my relationships testify that Jesus Christ truly changes His people.

In Christ’s name, amen.

Final Reflection

The deepest answer to how to forgive is not found by staring longer at the person who wronged us. It is found by looking to Christ.

Paul does not deny the reality of the grievance. He gives us a greater reality by which to face it: “the Lord has forgiven you.”

The Christian therefore forgives neither because sin is small nor because justice is unimportant. We forgive because we belong to the Savior who bore our guilt, satisfied God’s justice, and gave us grace we could never repay.

We forgive from grace already received.

And every time that grace reaches another undeserving sinner through us, the mercy of Christ becomes visible.

Frequently Asked Questions About Biblical Forgiveness